By HRH QUEEN AURA AZURA

I don’t want to go off on a rant here, and yet, maybe I really do—it makes me feel better and often so many others relate.

Last time I wrote I was lamenting about turning 60.

That having come and gone, I’ve found new things to complain about.

I’ve been getting emails saying there’s no ranting going on and there needs to be. I’ve been storing up a lot of pent-up emotions, so here I go again.

The other day I made a short list to pick up a few things at the drug store while there picking up my monthly medications.

Deodorant, shampoo, cream rinse, toothpaste—nothing major. I find the aisle for the deodorants—and there’s an entire section of the drug store just for deodorants just for women.

Same thing with the rest of my list.

I mean REALLLLY--do we actually need all that? There shouldn't be a foul smelling human on earth with all the deodorants they sell.

It’s enough to drive a person insane. Just how many choices do we really need? Lately too I’ve noticed that when I finally figure out one product I like, they “improve” it or remove it all together and I have to start the search all over again.

All those choices expand greatly throughout everything we buy. Just think of how many different brands of blue jeans there are. Cars. Shoes. The list is endless.

There are way too many choices for all aspects of life now as far as I’m concerned.

I remember when you had a few shampoos—Breck, Prell and what was your favorite?

Bar soap—Ivory, Camay, Sweetheart, Yardley, Lava. Of course my mom wouldn’t let me actually use the Yardley soap—I had to put that in my underwear drawer since it was more expensive than the others.

Even buying cosmetics was simple Avon or 5 and dime store brands—Ponds Cold Cream, Albolene, Lady Esther and Coty face powder, red or pink lipstick. Simple.

I remember Evening in Paris cologne. I don’t recall what it smelled like but I would get a new set at the beginning of every school year. I thought I was on top of the world when I’d get a whole boxed set of those lovely cobalt blue glass bottles.

I had one of those kidney shaped vanity tables and the bottles looked great sitting on top. It makes me happy just remembering those moments.

And Blue Waltz—Woolworth carried both of them.

Avon’s Here is my heart, Cotillion, they were great.

Even Helene Curtis’ Tweed. Emeraude.

I remember getting my first bottle of Channel #5 and White Shoulders. That was just too wonderful, so expensive. It made me feel like a millionaire.

Then I discovered Estee Lauder. 

There are so many things to choose from now, it’s difficult to keep track of what you like and they’re adding more all the time.

I’m all for free enterprise, variety, and freedom of choice, but it’s out of control.

That’s just in the local drug store. Step into one of the mega stores and you’re really in for it.

This leads me to another topic that drives me nuts!

Doesn’t anyone just have sex the old fashioned way anymore without the assistance of some mood or physical alteration? Those ads on television, radio, in magazines and so forth for all those pills to help men and women are making me ill.

And what do people who have little children do when the commercials come on for that kind of stuff? It embarrasses me; I can’t imagine what they go through. How do you explain “if you continue to have an erection for more than 24 hours” to a 10 year old?

That’s just for the men. Don’t get me started about the products for women. I remember when I first started my period there were two kinds of napkins—now there seems to be hundreds. Thank heaven I don’t have to buy those anymore. But even that Depends isle is getting larger!

Then there’s all that other stuff for women. Nothing shy about those things now a day. Nothing is private or sacred any more.

In a way that makes me sad. We’ve come far and yet maybe too far. Makes me long for simpler days.

I remember when it was bad to say a woman was pregnant and no pregnant woman would ever have her stomach exposed with her belly button showing. Now they walk around with everything right out there for the entire world to see. I AM PREGNANT, HEAR ME ROAR, and no I'm not fat, just pregnant. No room for confusion.

When I'm visiting my physician, I still put my underwear under my clothes. Why do I do that? It’s clean. And what does my doctor care about my underwear? It’s just something my mother told me to do and I do it unconsciously but I laughed at myself the other day when I did it and wondered how many others do the same thing. I mentioned it to a few friends and they said they do the same thing too.

Yeah yeah maybe I’m old fashioned but there just doesn’t seem to be any respect any more, nothing special, and nothing sacred.

Maybe if we had a little more respect for one another, maybe if we didn’t have so many choices in life to make, maybe we could spend more time doing things that are really important.

I waste so much precious time concentrating on a bunch of senseless stuff it makes me sad.

I wish I had some of it back; there are so many things I could be doing instead of trying to figure out which toothpaste I should be buying.

Another thing that drives me crazy is the constant upgrade on electronic gadgets. I just bought a new computer—a nice laptop, with all the latest doodads on it. I brought it home and realized I needed to upgrade some of the memory. (I guess I should be thankful that I actually realized my computer needed new memory, some of my friends don't even know how to turn a computer on--they think I'm a rocket scientist!)

I bought an MP3 player and tried to get a part for it and it was replaced by another one a month later—they weren’t making parts for the one I bought. No wonder it was on sale. So I bought another smaller and less expensive one and that too is already obsolete.

My digital camera stopped working so I bought a new one—it’s great and takes wonderful photos, it’s even pretty--IT'S PURPLE—but no sooner did I get it, there was another just like it with more pixels. This time I bought everything—an extra battery, extra ink for the printer, extra paper, and everything that went with it so I would be able to use it for a longer period of time. I figure in two months I won't be able to get parts for it, so I wanted to be safe for a little while.

I just can’t keep up with technology. I’m very fortunate to be semi-literate with techy things or I’d really be in big trouble.

My nephews, their friends and other kids think I’m the really cool old woman because I know about all the gadgets and am able to use the same things they use. I wasn’t born with a computer in my hand as they were but fortunately I have tried to keep up with technology. It’s just difficult keeping up. Again--WAY TOO MUCH VARIETY!!!

My friend Dodie is opening an online business shortly and I've been trying to help her with her new site. It's been a lot of fun. Have worked on many websites before but this is different because it's my friend--I'm proud of her. She's trying something different. And considering it to be an adventure--she's still dreaming, still moving forward, still learning. You gotta love and respect that! Her site will launch soon, be sure to check it out. http://www.uniquelydodies.com

I’ve recently lost a friend I’d known for nearly 50 years. That’s difficult. I’m going to miss him. We didn’t see one another all the time but we have always been there for each other. At least I did get to spend a little time with him before he died.  He was scared. He had faith but was scared. He feared the pain more than the end of his life though. Makes you think hard about how you feel when something like this happens. I still think of us as being teenagers—where has the time gone? He left me his high school class ring. I thought of putting it on a chain around my neck. Forty-five years ago that would have been so important for many different reasons. Now it’s a treasured memento of a life-long friendship.

I heard from a dear friend, Lois Green, who lives in Israel. I worry about her all the time but she's never been afraid--until now. If she's worried about the state of the world--then we all should be.

Several of my friends have sons and daughters that will be leaving for the Middle East within the next few weeks. I can't even imagine how they feel. None of the kids are older than 22, one is only 18. I have shoes older than that. It just breaks my heart.

In addition to all of the vast varieties of things to chose from in our lives we also have the vast variety of things to really worry about.

It used to be simple for us when we were little. They'd line us up in the hall and make us kneel on the floor and cover our heads--as if that would help protect us during a nuclear attack.

Look at what the children have to worry about now. If that doesn't make you sad I don't know what else to tell you.

Update on turning 60—I’ve been really busy. I didn't give up.

Lots of red hat events and lots of traveling. Went on my first cruise and loved it so much I’ve already signed up for another. Went swimming with dolphins and loved it. They are wonderful. And notice please--I am a red hatter no matter what I'm doing!

I’m taking my darling Godchild, Alex, to Disneyworld for his 10^th birthday soon—I’m quite the Godmother as far as he’s concerned. I hope he’ll remember this fondly when he’s 25.

Have planned a trip to Hawaii for next year with that wild bunch of red hatters I'm friends with from Iowa. My husband and I will be celebrating our 25^th wedding anniversary (how in the world did that happen?) and will renew our vows on one of the islands. Have been looking at outfits for us and I've chosen to do it as red hatters, with a purple muumuu for me and matching Hawaiian shirt for Tom, red flower halo for me.

Traveling has never been that important to me but now I’m trying to do as much as I possibly can. See places I never thought of seeing. It’s fun. I’ve missed so much.

I have been dealing with illness for so many years I realized that I spent so much time trying not to die that I forgot to live.

Don’t do that please. Don't wait to have fun.

More thoughts coming soon. I’m working on three more stories right now.

"The Footprints of the Gigantic Hound" coming soon.

Moving quickly towards 61 and feeling fabulous all the time.  Wishing you all the same!

Something to think about--

BE SOMEBODY

BE YOURSELF!!!

I usually end my rants with a special poem or verse but I was particularly touched by this heart warming story--thought I would share it with you.

The Kiss

      He had just saved her from a fire in her house, rescuing her by
      carrying her out of the house into her front yard, while he
      continued to fight the fire.

      She is pregnant.

      The firefighter was afraid of her at first, because he had never been
      around a Doberman before.

      When he finally got done putting the fire out, he sat down to catch
      his breath and rest.

      A photographer from the Charlotte, North Carolina newspaper, "The
      Observer," noticed this red Doberman in the distance looking at the
      fireman.

      He saw her walking straight toward the fireman and wondered what she
      was going to do.

      As he raised his camera, she came up to the tired man who had saved
      her life and the lives of her babies, and kissed him, just as the
      photographer snapped this photograph.


And people say animals are dumb - yeah right.

Do you have something to rant about? Please send them to me; I’d love to share them on the website.  redhattersmatter@hotmail.com